Tuesday 29 September 2015

5 golfing tips for the uncoordinated

1) Do it
I actually believe that I am not much worse than the average at sports. The problem is that most people with my level of ability have the sense to give up rather than show themselves up. But should they? Why should taking part in any sporting activity be the exclusive preserve of those who are good at it? And why should taking up a sport put some kind of onus on the individual to become expert in their chosen field? We put far too much value on being the best and far too little on just taking part, this is why the majority of us end up as spectators instead of participants and top professional sports people are paid absurd amounts of money. I have a personal interest in promoting this because if others with my lack of skill persevered, I could take my rightful place as only just sub-standard instead of being totally useless.
2) Do it abroad
I'm now playing golf in Malaysia. The people here are far too polite to laugh outright at my often pathetic attempts at the game and, where in New Zealand I was often the butt of cruel jokes about the standard of my play, here my understanding of the local language is far from good enough to comprehend any insults spoken. They do sometimes ask how long I have been playing the game, thinking that I'm a beginner who will improve, and I have to own up to not being able to use learner status as an excuse as I first wielded a club 50 years ago.


3) Less is more
The harder you try the worse it gets. A career in social work has taught me that problems quickly become crises when the response to them feeds what caused the issue in the first place and a vicious cycle is established. It is annoying when a shot destined for the centre of the green doesn't even get off the ground, but a determination to give the ball an almighty hit is bound to result in greater failure and more frustration leading to a need to belt the thing regardless of the consequences. And this is all because of this totally unfair expectation that if you choose to play a game you must be reasonably competent at it. If it weren't for that I wouldn't have to feel the acute embarrassment at my failure which forces me to try too hard resulting in a total loss of control over my own body. And that is the problem, when your body refuses to do as it is told:
'keep your head down' right
'look at the ball' yes
'swing slowly' okay
whack fuck!
4) Be proud
Sport should be played for fun, winning or losing isn't important; especially when you're no good at it. Those of us lacking hand eye co-ordination can lead the way in championing the proper spirit of sportsmanship while the top players curse their luck and vent their anger on their equipment. Glory in being rubbish, take the high moral ground and remember that those at the top can only move in one direction. What would it be like to be the best at your chosen activity and expected to beat all-comers? I think that then the fear of losing would creep in and threaten to spoil any enjoyment of the game, an issue which I'm sure the All Blacks are currently acutely conscious of.
5 Most important) Do as I say: not as I do

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